If you're ridin' ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then to make sure it's still there.

If you get to thinkin' you're a person of some influence, try orderin' somebody else's dog around.

If you're riding a high horse- there ain't no way to get down off it gracefully!!

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TEXAS:

Once upon a time in the kingdom of Heaven, God was missing for six
days. Eventually, Michael the Archangel found him, resting on the
seventh day.

He inquired of God. "Where have you been?"

God sighed a deep sigh of satisfaction and proudly pointed downwards
through the clouds, "Look, Michael. Look what I've made."

Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"

"It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put Life on it. I'm going to
call it Earth and it's going to be a great place of balance."

"Balance?" Inquired Michael, still confused

God explained, pointing to different parts of earth. "For example,
northern Europe will be a place of great opportunity and wealth but
cold and harsh while southern Europe is going to be poor but sunny and
pleasant. "I have made some lands abundant in water and other lands
parched deserts. This one will be extremely hot and while this one will
be very cold and covered in ice."


The Archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to a land mass
and said "What's that one?"

"Ah," said God. "That's TEXAS -- the most glorious place on earth.

There are beautiful beaches, streams, hills, and forests The people
from TEXAS are going to be handsome, modest, intelligent and humorous
and they are going to be found traveling the world. They will be
extremely sociable, hardworking and high achieving, and they will be
known throughout the world as diplomats and carriers of peace."

Michael gasped in wonder and admiration but then proclaimed, "What
about balance, God? You said there would be balance!"

God replied wisely, "Wait until you see the idiots I put in AUSTIN."

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A TEXAS BLESSING

Note: If you are not a resident of TEXAS or never have lived in the
hot, humid Southwest, you may not understand the weight of this
blessing!



Bless this house, oh Lord, we cry.

Please keep it cool in mid-July.

Bless the walls where termites dine,

While ants and roaches march in time.

Bless our yard where spiders pass

Fire ant castles in the grass.

Bless the garage, a home to please

Carpenter beetles, ticks and fleas.

Bless the love bugs, two by two,

the gnats and mosquitoes that feed on you.

Millions of creatures that fly or crawl,

in TEXAS, Lord, you've put them all!!

But this is home, and here we'll stay,

So thank you Lord, for insect spray.


HOLD IT............there's more.....................
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YOU KNOW YOU ARE IN TEXAS IN JULY WHEN. . . .

The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.

The trees are whistling for the dogs.

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron!

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out
and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from
laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk. Ah, what a place to call home.

God Bless TEXAS !!

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When you're from Texas, people that you meet ask questions like, "Do you have any cows?" "Do you have horses?" "Bet you got a bunch of guns, eh?"

They all want to know if you've been to Southfork. They watched Dallas.

Have you ever looked at a map of the world? Look at Texas with me just for a second. That picture, with the Panhandle and the Gulf Coast, and the Red River and the  Rio Grande is as much a part of you as anything ever will be..  As soon as anyone anywhere in the world looks at it they know what it is.  It's Texas.  Pick any kid off the street in Japan and draw him a picture of Texas in the dirt and he'll know what it is. What happens I show you a picture  of any other state? You might get it maybe after a second or two, but who else would? And even if you do, does it ever stir any feelings in you?

In every man, woman and child on this planet, there is a person who wishes just once he could be a real live Texan and get up on a horse or ride off in a pickup. There is some little bit of Texas in everyone. Did you ever hear anyone in a bar go, "Wow...so you're from Iowa? Cool, tell me about it?" Do you know why?  Because there's no place like Texas.

Texas is the Alamo.  Texas is 183 men standing in a church, facing thousands of Mexican nationals, fighting for freedom, who had the chance to walk out and save themselves, but stayed instead to fight and die for the cause of freedom.   We send our kids to schools named William B. Travis and James Bowie and Crockett and do you know why? Because those men saw a line in the sand and they decided to cross it and be heroes. John Wayne paid to do the movie himself. That is the Spirit of Texas.

Texas is Sam Houston capturing Santa Ana at San Jacinto. Texas is huge! forests of Piney Woods like the Davy Crockett National Forest. Texas is breathtaking mountains in the Big Bend. Texas is the unparalleled beauty of bluebonnet fields in the Texas Hill Country. Texas is the beautiful, warm beaches of the Gulf Coast of South Texas.

Texas is the shiny skyscrapers in Houston and Dallas. Texas is world record bass from places like Lake Fork. Texas is Mexican food like nowhere else, not even Mexico. Texas is the Fort Worth Stockyards, Bass Hall, the Ballpark in Arlington and the Astrodome. Texas is larger-than-life legends like Michael DeBakey, Denton Cooley, Willie Nelson, Buddy Holly, Waylon Jennings, Janis Joplin, Kris Kristofferson, Tom Landry, Darrell Royal, ZZ Top, Eric Dickerson, Earl Campbell, Nolan Ryan, Sam Rayburn, George H. W. Bush, Lyndon B. Johnson, and George W. Bush. Texas is great companies like Dell Computer, Texas Instruments and Compaq. And LOCKHEED MARTIN AEROSPACE, home of the F-16 Fighting Falcon and the JSF Fighter. Texas is NASA. Texas is huge herds of cattle and miles of crops. Texas is skies blackened with doves, and fields full of deer. Texas is a place where towns and cities shut down to watch the local High School Football game on Friday nights and for the Cowboys on Monday Night Football, and for the Night In Old San Antonio River Parade in San Antonio. Texas is ocean beaches, deserts, lake s and rivers, mountains and prairies, and modern cities.

If it isn't in Texas, you probably don't need it. No one does anything bigger or better than it's done in Texas.

By federal law, Texas is the only state in the U.S. that can fly its flag at the same height as the U.S. flag. Think about that for a second. You fly the Stars and Stripes at 20 feet in Maryland, California, or Maine and your state flag, whatever it is, goes at 17 feet. You fly the Stars and Stripes in front of Pine Tree High in Longview or anyplace else at 20 feet, the Lone Star flies at the same height - 20 feet. Do you know why? Because it is the only state that was a republic before it became a state. Also, being a Texan is as high as being an American down here. Our capitol is the only one in the country that is taller than the capitol building in Washington, D.C. and we can divide our state into five states at any time if we wanted to! We included these things as part of the deal when we came on. That's the best part, right there. Texas even has its own power grid!!

If you are a REAL TEXAN you won't need to be asked to pass this on!

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